1. The Elephant

  2. Witch of Woodplumpton

  3. Paint It By Numbers

  4. The LUV Song

  5. Eulerian Circles

  6. Bee on a String

  7. Mr Simms’ Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

  8. Please Write Responsibly

  9. Working On Your Own

  10. A Year After The Party Died


 

1. THE ELEPHANT

A Section1

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't eat the elephant whole

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to carve it up or else you will choke

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't drink the lake in one go

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to sip it down or else you will drown

 

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't eat the elephant whole

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to carve it up or else you will choke

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't shift the Pyramid whole

Em     G    F#m      A

You move it brick by brick Lest you make yourself sick

 

B Section

Em                  F#m                      Bm    D

I'm choking - pat me on the back

Em                  F#m                      Bm    D

I'm choking - pat me on the back

Em                  F#m                      A

I'm choking - pat me on the back an carve the elephant up

Instrumental

Bm F#m Em A       x2

A Section2

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't eat the elephant whole

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to carve it up or else you will choke

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't drink the lake in one go

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to sip it down or else you will drown

 

Bm     D     F#m     A

Man kann sish nicht jeden Schuh anziehen

Em     G    F#m      A

Wer über Wasser geht, der muss Barfuß gehn

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't shift the Pyramid whole

Em     G    F#m      A

You move it brick by brick Lest you make yourself sick

 

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't eat the elephant whole

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to carve it up or else you will choke

Bm     D     F#m     A

You can't drink the lake in one go

Em     G    F#m      A

You have to sip it down or else you will drown

Instrumental

Bm F#m Em A       x2

 

2. WITCH OF WOODPLUMPTON - in ¾ - chords with capo on 7th fret

Intro

Em    Em    F#    F 

 

Verse1

Em    Em    F#    F 

Shape changer, milk stealer

A thief with a jug disguised as a goose

Half skipping, milk dripping

Down from the animal's bill

 

PreChorus1

Am             D7

That farmer cooked your goose

That goose it kicked the bucket

That bucket was no goose

The stories we tell to keep you girls in place

 

Chorus1

Cmaj7    Asus2    Em    Em/Bb

From Lilith of Eden to Joan of Arc

We've been burning and burying you from the start

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

 

Post1

Em    Em    F#    F 

 

Verse2

Em    Em    F#    F 

You hobble down the cobbled

Streets - the children they catcall at you

You're a hag, you're a crone, you're a witch

You're a bit of a rich source of blame to be claimed

 

PreChorus2

Am             D7

You lost your cottage on a bet

From Wesham raced to Catforth

That Black Dog bit your Rabbit's unlucky foot?

The race has always been rigged

 

Chorus2

Cmaj7    Asus2    Em    Em/Bb

From Lilith of Eden to Joan of Arc

We've been burning and burying you from the start

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

 

Instrumental

Em    Em    F#    F     x2

Am             D7        x4

 

Chorus3

Cmaj7    Asus2    Em    Em/Bb

From Lilith of Eden to Joan of Arc

We've been burning and burying you from the start

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

 

Chorus4

Cmaj7    Asus2    Em    Em/Bb

From Lilith of Eden to Joan of Arc

We've been burning and burying you from the start

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave

Cmaj7    Asus2 (002400)

You have to dig your way out of your own grave


 

3. PAINT IT BY NUMBERS - in 3/4

INTRO

Cm    F    Ab    G    Cm    

 

VERSE1

Cm                                     

Shall I compare thee 

                                                                      F     Ab     G     Cm          

to the fundamental theorem of algrebaic K-theory?

Cm                                     

Like Pythagorus said something's deeply irrational

                    F              Ab     G          Cm     F     G

About the square root of 2 where the 2 are me and U

 

BRIDGE1

Ab                     Bb     

And words diminish these important things

 

CHORUS1

Cm     

Let me show you the numbers

F     

Tell you in numbers

Eb     

Lay down the numbers

F                 G     Gaug

Paint it by numbers 4 U

 

VERSE2

Cm         

If my heart doubled in size

                                                                    F     Ab     G     Cm

If the body round my heart doubled in size

Cm                                     

If the world round my body around my heart doubled in size

                    F              Ab     G          Cm     F     G

You wouldn't notice at all - how conventional

 

BRIDGE2

Ab                     Bb     

And words diminish these important things

 

CHORUS2

Cm     

Let me show you the numbers

F     

Tell you in numbers

Eb     

Lay down the numbers

F                 G     Gaug

Paint it by numbers 4 U

 

MIDDLE 8

F     Cm     F     Cm        G

It may be a fiction

But these mathematical theories like our love

Like everyone's love

Are a useful fiction indeed

 

BRIDGE3

Ab                     Bb     

And words diminish these important things

 

CHORUS3

Cm     

Let me show you the numbers

F     

Tell you in numbers

Eb     

Lay down the numbers

F                 

Paint it by numbers 4 U

Cm 

All things considered

F     

When I look at the figures

Eb 

It's an elegant solution

A foregone conclusion

G     

That me and you

               

Are equal to you and me

Cm

- QED

4. THE LUV SONG

Chorus1

A    Bm        F#m       D        E

Luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv

Luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv

 

Verse1

Bm7        F#m7        C#        Dmaj7        E

What began as a trickle

Has become tidal wave

Brace your face for impact

A great big splash as the waters come crashing on you 

 

Chorus2

A    Bm        F#m       D        E

If You want love then you’ve got to give love

Love’s a thing that you have got to dream of

Verse2

Bm7        F#m7        C#        Dmaj7        E

You were facing the sky

And I would face the sea

We are the architects of our own happiness

O boy O boy! This joy begets more joy

 

Chorus3

A    Bm        F#m       D        E

If You want love then you’ve got to give love

Love’s a thing that you have got to dream of

 

Verse3

Bm7        F#m7        C#        Dmaj7        E

We were stuck inside the night time

And we turned it into day

You know how to illuminate don't you?

You put your lips together and glow

 

Chorus4

A    Bm        F#m       D        E

If You want love then you’ve got to give love

Love’s a thing that you have got to dream of

 

Chorus5

A    Bm        F#m       D        E

Luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv

Luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv

5. EULERIAN CIRCLES - in ¾ - chords with capo on 2nd fret

Verse1

Em    Bm(weird) (799000)        Am7    Am7(E)    Am7    Bm7

Put the people you love over there

Over here are the ones that you hate

In the space in between

This is the space where I will wait

Can you fly? Can you swim?

Can I let you in?

Can you climb? Can you fall?

Can you understand it at all?

 

Bridge1

C    Am7        Em    x2

 

CHORUS1

Dsus2        Cadd9        Em7        A

For those that aren’t precious with your time

They could help you define

C    Am7        Em

In Eulerian Circles is where we reside

 

Verse2

Em    Bm(weird) (799000)        Am7    Am7(E)    Am7    Bm7

Draw a circle around all the thing you would want

And another around what you would leave

In those narrowing strips, in a dripping eclipse

In this ellipse is where you will be

Can you build or destroy

All your favourite toys?

Can they turn into weapons

Whilst in your employ?

 

CHORUS2

Dsus2        Cadd9        Em7        A

For those that aren’t precious with your time

Could they help draw the line?

C    Am7        Em

In Eulerian Circles is where we reside

C    Am7        Em

In Eulerian Circles is where we reside

 

INSTRUMENTAL

Em    Bm(weird) (799000)        Am7    Am7(E)    Am7    Bm7        x2

C        Am7            Em                        x2

 

CHORUS3

Dsus2        Cadd9        Em7        A

For those that aren’t precious with your time

They could help draw the line

C    Am7        Em

In Eulerian Circles is where we reside

C    Am7        Em

In Eulerian Circles is where we reside

C    Am7        

In Eulerian Circles is where we reside


 

6. BEE ON A STRING

INTRO

D

 

VERSE1

D     Bm    Em     A

Buzzing around

Dancing for hours and hours

Life is sweeter than the honey that I'm making for you

Life is sweeter than the honey that you're taking from me

Trapped in a box

You put me into a fridge

I'm getting sleepy, ah my eyes are getting heavy

So I think I'll rest my fuzzy little body on the floor of the

 

BRIDGE1

G     A

Tupperware - on the floor of the tupperware

 

CHORUS1

Em7     A     Em7     A

She keeps bees in a deep freeze

It makes them sleep so she keeps bees

On a string

 

INTERLUDE

D

 

VERSE2

D     Bm    Em     A

When I woke up

From an uneasy dream

I found that I'd been tethered to a heavy length of yarn

I tried to sever but my clever captor wrapped it round her arm

 

BRIDGE2

G     A

O - Behind me now - which she held behind me now

 

CHORUS2

Em7     A     Em7     A

She keeps me in a deep freeze

It makes me sleep so she keeps me

On a string

 

MIDDLE 8

Gmaj7             F#m7     

You're only pulling my leg

            Em7

Or am I pulling my leg

            D

In an attempt to bee free?

Gmaj7             F#m7     

I know you're fascinated by me

            Em7

But won't you let me be free?

            A

Why won't you let me bee free?

O must…

 

CHORUS3

Em7     A     Em7     A                x2

You keep me in a deep freeze

To make me sleep so you keep me

And she keeps me in a deep freezer

It makes me sleep so she keep me…

On a string


 

7. MR SIMM'S OLDE SWEET SHOPPE (RIGHTS RESERVED)

VERSE1

Cmaj7        Fmaj7     

There there On St Anne's Square

Stands Mr Simm's Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

Purveyor of finest confectionery

Everton mints and jelly beans

Liquorice whirls and clotted creams

VERSE2

Cmaj7        Fmaj7     

Mr Simm's Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

Blackjacks, Fruit Salads and Aniseed Twists

Gargantuan gobstoppers - big as your fist

Jazzles and Fizzers and Raspberry Ruffles

And Iron Brew fudge and Italian Truffles

 

PRE-CHORUS1

F     G     F     G

Is life some romantic tale

Where mystery and beauty

And the underdogs prevail?

 

CHORUS1

Am     C/B     C     x3     G

Where we'll be happy together

Happy together

Happy forever

 

VERSE3

Cmaj7        Fmaj7     

At Mr Simm's Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

(breathe) I imagine a man with Majeika hair

Mrs Simm and the twins - it's a family affair

She tends the penny sweets - sweet Cherry Lips

He makes his famous Black Death Sour Pips

 

PRE-CHORUS2

F     G     F     G

Is life some romantic tale

Where mystery and beauty

And the underdogs prevail?

 

CHORUS2

Am     C/B     C     x3     G

And they'll be happy together

Happy together

Happy forever

 

VERSE4

Cmaj7        Fmaj7     

Mr Simm's Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

Rhubarb and custards and Coldsfoot rock

Uncles Joe's Mintballs, cough sweets and pear drops

It all paints a picture, a quaint little scene

Of Olde but colourful and fantastic dreams

 

BRIDGE3

F     G     F     G

But life isn't some romantic tale

Where mystery and beauty

And the underdogs prevail

 

CHORUS3

Am     C/B     C     x3     G

Where we'll be happy together

Happy together

Happy forever

VERSE5

Cmaj7        Fmaj7     

Mr Simm's Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

Mr Simm's was established in 2004

There are 90 locations from Ashford to York

Is it a penny sweet when it costs 50p?

The 'E's in the name were only added last week

 

VERSE6

Cmaj7        Fmaj7     

Retro is fashionable and vintage is 'in'

Repackaged and sold to us as the whimsy

Of Mr Simm's Olde Sweet Shoppe (rights reserved)

It's between a mall and HSBC

And a Starbucks has opened up over the street

 

BRIDGE4

F     G     F     G

Cos life isn't some romantic tale

Where mystery and beauty

And the underdogs prevail

 

CHORUS4

Am     C/B     C     x3     G

Where we'll be happy together

Happy together

Happy forever

end on Cmaj7


 

8. PLEASE WRITE RESPONSIBLY - chords with capo on the 5th fret

A Section1

Dmaj7     D6        Dmaj7        D6

Caug6/A    Am(maj11)    Caug6/A    Am(maj11)

One day I wrote a story upon a scrap of paper

And I left it in my kitchen to come back to and finish later

The Anecdote; while I largely based in truth was exaggerated

The lives involved had been enlarged and their neuroses elevated

Well that Narrative it rose right up off the paper right

Off my table Gone as quick as Clark Gable

And made right for my front door as fast as it were able

It whistled through the letterbox and rampaged down the street

Through every bookshop and every library in search of words to eat

 

B Section1

Gmaj7        Bm7        E7     -

It stopped to pet a Shaggy Dog and the Dog grew 10 feet tall

This tall Tale wagged into office windows and shattered them all

 

A Section2

Dmaj7     D6        Dmaj7        D6

Caug6/A    Am(maj11)    Caug6/A    Am(maj11)

The Chronicle stalked the town - it drank and fought through every bar

My Fable went and shot a man and stole off in his car

The Legend climbed a telegraph pole, it slithered through the TV set

It slipped inside the phone lines and escaped into the Internet

 

B Section2

Gmaj7        Bm7        E7     -

And then the trouble really doubled and the woes, they really started

My Fiction terrorised my enemies, left my friends all broken hearted 

 

A Section3

Dmaj7     D6        Dmaj7        D6

Caug6/A    Am(maj11)    Caug6/A    Am(maj11)

This Yarn had caused more harm than was ever my intention

I'd only scribbled words on paper I hadn't wanted this destruction

I mean whoever got hurt by a Story? What Song brought a government to its knees?

What Poem dismantled a tank or started World War 3?

 

B Section3

Gmaj7        Bm7        E7     -

And As I tracked the trail of carnage caused by my Fantasy

It leapt right out of my computer screen and began to attack me

 

A Section4

Dmaj7     D6        Dmaj7        D6

Caug6/A    Am(maj11)    Caug6/A    Am(maj11)

My Story tore me limb from limb all the while screaming with glee:

"Words are more powerful than you ever could conceive so please write responsibly!"

B Section3

Gmaj7        Bm7        E7     -

And as I wrote that final line from the kitchen I was in

I thought I'd save us all the bother screwed up that Story and threw it in the bin 

(end on D6 add e?)

 

9. Working On Your Own - chords with capo on the 3rd fret

Verse 1

Fmaj7            Cmaj7

O Molly please spare a smile for me

It’s so dark here in your company

Drifting like a ghost through the badlands that we call home

Chips away at your soul

 

Chorus1

Am    Fmaj7        C    Em

When you’re working on your own

On the edge, on the edges of civilisation

Abmaj13(omit5) (4330xx)

Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week

 

Verse2

Fmaj7            Cmaj7

Shift workers of the world unite 

Bathe yourself in Piccadilly's multicoloured lights

When the human touch that means so much

Is a phantom limb on social crutches 

Keep a little kind in your heart

 

Chorus2

Am    Fmaj7        C    Em

When you’re working on your own

On the edge, on the edges of civilisation

Abmaj13(omit5) (4330xx)

Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week

 

Outro/Chorus 3

C    Dm    Am    F

What else would you do with your nighttimes?

What else could you do in the sunshine?

What else would you do with your nighttimes?

What else could you do with a lifetime?

C    Dm    Am    F

When you’re working on your own

On the edge, on the edges of civilisation

Abmaj13(omit5) (4330xx)

Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week


 

10. A YEAR AFTER THE PARTY DIED

Verse1

Bm     Bm    D     F#     x3

Goodbye Sailor, your heart's not in it any more

This party died last August as the leaves began to fall

And then the Rich Man he moved in, made his move upon the town

G        E

He built this playground pound by pound

 

CHORUS1

D    Em7    G    Em7         

But we're still clinging on to the party

D    Em7    G    Em7         

Though it ended a year today

D    Em7    G                F# 

We’re still clinging on to each other as the sun comes up

Em7                 F#

They've turned this club into a takeaway

 

Verse2

Bm     Bm    D     F#     x3

Ahab's getting married and Peter Pan is dead

Lothario retired to an empty bed

Methusela's in the ground and Saint Pete has locked the doors

G        E

Even Old Nick has doused the fire and cast the ashes on the floor

 

CHORUS2

D    Em7    G    Em7         

But we're still clinging on to the party

D    Em7    G    Em7         

Though it ended a year today

D    Em7    G                F# 

We’re still clinging on to each other as the sun comes up

Em7                 F#

They've turned this club into a takeaway

 

Instrumental

D    Em7    G    Em7         x2

D    Em7    G    F# 

Em7         F#

 

Verse3

Bm     Bm    D     F#   

Cupid's hitting puberty, his voice it finally broke

G                F#

The Heritage expense accounts went up in smoke

 

Middle8

D     Em7     F#m7     Gmaj7     

And if you've ever had a dream then you've seen that dream die

F#

I’m caught by my fingertips

They’ve caught them in vice like grips

They caught the sunshine from the sky

And that’s why I cry

 

CHORUS3

D    Em7    G    Em7

That we're still holding on to the party

D    Em7    G    Em7

Though it ended a year today

D    Em7    G    F#

We're holding on to our breath

We're holding on for grim death

Em7        F#

They’ve turned the club into a takeaway

Em7        F#

They’ve turned the pub into a takeaway

Em7        F#

They've turned our home into a takeaway


 

O JOYCE

INTRO

Fm    Fm    Fm7    Ab    C#    C

 

VERSE1

F        C          F       C     

F        C          Dm      C

In 1944

Joyce's mother bought a pet Macaw

And named him Bobby Corwen

The bird sat in the parlour

Whilst Joyce and Mother played a game of

Gin or rummy til Joyce's Mum would say:

 

CHORUS1

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     C          F         Am7     

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     Am7     Gm7   /G#     A7

O Joyce - Joy joy Joyce

Make me a cup of tea?

 

VERSE2

F        C          F       C     

F        C          Dm      C

In 1958

Joyce had a Daughter of her own

They would stay up late

Sewing sequins on her shoes

For some ballet/dancing show

Bobby squawking as  they sew

Joyce's daughter asks her mum to go:

 

CHORUS2

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     C          F         Am7     

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     Am7     Gm7   /G#     A7

O Joyce - Joy joy Joyce

Make me a cup of tea?

 

VERSE3

F        C          F       C     

F        C          Dm      C

In 1985

Joyce's daughter had a daughter of her own 

And that Macaw was still alive

20 years go by

Joyce's mother dies

Life fully lived as fully a life can be lived

 

CHORUS3

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     C          F         Am7     

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     Am7     Gm7   /G#     A7

O Joyce - Joy joy Joyce

Make me a cup of tea?

 

MIDDLE 8

Fm    Fm    Fm7    Ab    C#    C

 

VERSE4

F        C          F       C     

F        C          Dm      C

O 60-something years have flown

Since Joyce's mother brought him home

Bobby Corwen in the parlour

Squawking down the years

Joyce and daughter's tears

At Joyce's daughter's daughter dancing

To the bird's refrain

 

CHORUS4

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     C          F         Am7     

Dm     Am7     Dm     F     

Dm     Am7     Gm7   /G#     A7

O Joyce - Joy joy joy